At 10:00 a.m. the morning routine press conference at the Pentagon erupted into a conflict never seen before in world history when two American delegates took the podium and declared war against Switzerland, a neutral nation with a history of peace in the modern era.
Leon Panetta stated these two delegates, pictured below, had no authority to declare war (as its a reserved power under the Legislative Branch) and provided an apology to the Swiss government. Delegate Megan Linney pictured below, stated “we are going to make Switzerland one large ski resort.” “My mom bought me a lot of sweaters last Christmas, I need a place to wear them,” barked Amanda Dillon.
The Pentagon quickly dispatched official Taji Hutchins to repair this mornings verbal assaults on the Swiss government stating, “The United States apologizes for this morning’s remarks, we have and will continue to have a long lasting and peaceful relationship with the Swiss, those two delegates this morning have a ‘screw loose.'”